Rather than setting New Years resolutions, several friends chose a "word of the year" to drive 2022. My word is "boundaries." That may seem like a rather contentious word at first glance; but it's all about self-care. I don't know about you, but I am a "Type A" personality. I am extremely driven and get a lot done. There are a lot of good things about being a Type A personality, but there are some negatives too. You've probably heard the saying "If you want something done, give it to someone who's already busy." The idea is that busy people are good at organizing and completing tasks and can easily accomplish one more thing on their agenda. Type A's tend to also have a hard time saying 'no.'
I didn't mind being that person so much when the only person I answered to was me (I wrote and illustrated children's books as my sole career for over twenty years). But now that I am working with and for others, it's becoming clear that I'm a "get it done" sort of person. Which means, I'm being handed a lot to get done. These aren't always my projects and obligations, these are other people's projects and obligations.
While I scramble to establish a good reputation and get my feet under me as a new academic, I have said 'yes' an awful lot - to committees, to "quick" favors, to extra-curricular items. I thought that's what you did. Until I began to realize that there are a lot of people who don't say 'yes' very often, who say 'no' an awful lot—or simply don't say anything at all. It's also quite the revelation to understand that just because someone asks you a question, doesn't mean you are obligated to answer. (Politicians are especially good at that last idea.) There seems to be fine line to walk between saying either 'yes' or 'no' too often.
Through observation and exhaustion, I've come to realize that the only person who will make sure I don't take on too much is me. People will keep asking—that will never stop. So, if I'm to carve out space to get my own projects done, I have to learn how to say 'no,' how to set healthy boundaries.
One of those boundaries is with email. Technology has become pervasive in our lives. It's brought a lot of good, but it's also meant we never get to unplug. Weekends and holidays seem to be fair game for work emails. I think France has it right; they now fine employers for sending work emails on weekends. Since that law doesn't yet exist in the US, it's up to me to shut it off when I go home at the end of the day and on weekends. There is nothing in my world that cannot wait until regular business hours.
Another boundary is work itself. Again, email plays a part. By being available via email all day long, I face constant interruptions on the work that requires focus. Recent studies have shown that constant disruptions lead to poor performance. People need time to truly pay attention to a project to do their best work on that project.
Of course, the last boundary will come from asking myself the simple question of "who am I really doing this for?" Is it to please others, to keep a roof over my head (necessary), or to please myself? Sadly, the answers may lead to some tough decisions in my future. I like getting so much done. But I have to realize I am only one person with one lifetime and I need to cut myself some slack. I need boundaries.
A few months ago, my significant other said to me, “I don’t get how you can drive for hours with no music on.” I had never had to put into words how a creative brain works before, so explaining it to him was revealing, even to me. A writer’s brain, I told him, is never still. It’s always working things out. Plotting, untangling, creating new… I need the quiet to allow my thoughts the space to wander in and out of, around, and through a story. It never feels that I am in control of the process. It feels more like I am observing my own creativity—watching, listening, taking mental notes.
